This morning William Willis from Scotland posted the following comment about my poem "Sky", on VoicesNet:
"Hello Paul, I was engrossed this one. A simple, plain,
straightforward title but attached is some marvellous poetry. I was taken for
journey through the words created in your mind, depicting this wondrous
creation above our heads. Where does it go? What does it mean? What do the
parts look like, which we cannot see? A pulsating start, as you lay the
foundations with, with the documentary like intro of "The sky: an
ever-changing canopy, endless variety." I have witnesses that glory, I have
seen those shooting stars and those faraway swirling planets. Well, I think
they are the planets, in my mind....they are. I like your usage of the word
"punctuated" as punctuation marks are small and would seem somewhat
insignificant, however we all know they are more to them than just dots and
dashes, if you will. Your poem again comes alive with "Cloud-ships sail
along an invisible sea." Yes, the changing shapes akin to the ship's sails
changing shape as the wind bellows her strong. Paul, ever line is a winner and
again I am taken by the descriptive way you speak of the clouds, as in "No
end of shapes and forms, Yet sometimes formless mists." We indeed see this
in full when aboard that jumbo jet and enter these slight mists, their vapours
clinging to the aircraft wings. I like the metaphors, "Clouds that are net
curtains. In the window to space" and indeed award these lines ****MY LINES
OF THE DAY**** They are supremely visual dear poet! You tell what it is like
when the clouds are gone and the worlds natural colours intermingle, with
"Golden-red dawns and sunsets. Contrast well with deepest blues." A
poem that will forever twinkle in my mind, a poem that I really enjoyed
commentating on. This poem I award FIVE STARS (AWARD WINNER) ***** P.S. I did
enjoy how you finished the poem off by, explaining that "No words can
adequately capture The beauties of the sky, It just gives God’s Believers Every
Reason Why." You have done a very good job in this poem and again the
spiritual ending was on the money and gave much food for thought. Delightful!"
I duly thanked him for this thesis of course. WOW. I'm gobsmacked!
Paul Butters
Better show you the poem in question - "Sky" -
The sky: an ever-changing canopy,
Better show you the poem in question - "Sky" -
The sky: an ever-changing canopy,
Endless variety.
Black at night,
Punctuated only by stars and moonlight,
And clouds by day.
Cloud-ships sail along an invisible sea,
Scowling black clouds,
Or fluffy white palaces of snow.
No end of shapes and forms,
Yet sometimes formless mists.
Clouds that are net curtains
In the window to space,
Or growling black monsters
Firing deadly lightning-forks.
If we’re lucky,
There aren’t any clouds at all,
Just blue from horizon to horizon
Everywhere you see.
Golden-red dawns and sunsets
Contrast well with deepest blues
All colours and hues.
By night and day, Moon and Sun
Play Peekaboo behind those clouds.
And stars forever twinkle and swirl
Along the Milky Way.
No words can adequately capture
The beauties of the sky,
It just gives God’s Believers
Every Reason Why.
Paul
Butters
